Oh. No so good

Well peoples ( as my daughter says),
I did not do awesome today.

I ate :
2 eggs, over medium so good, cooked in Smart Balance with corned beef hash. I know!!

I had a Quaker oatmeal to go square for a snack

skipped lunch then had some Rondele Pub Cheese, with Pepperidge Farm Cheese Crisps

A Lloyds barbeque beef sand which for dinner <<< no veggies, Oh noes!

Quaker Oatmeal to square for a snack, and to be completely honest I am craving chocolate SO bad that after I nurse Danny ( who i s eyeballing me fiercly) I am going to swipe 1 of hubbys peanut butter chocolate bad fattening thingys.

So I suck a little bit.

But I did good too. When I ran to Blockbuster tonight I politely declined the shelves of TASTY GOOD things like Sour Patch Kids, and when H offered to stop and have some cokes together for a few minutes of grown up time I drank water.

I may have a solution to my Frappucinno dilemna. A Blender. I super duper love fruit. So I figure I toss a bunch of frozen fruit in a blender, and have a frothy cold beverage to enjoy. WAAAAY better for both Danny and I.

Also I bought fat free whipped cream today. So I am starting to get the hang of this new way of thiking and living. ..... I think.

PS No excersise today, what am I thinking?

I am so fat

How fat am I ? Well I guess the real punchline is that I don't even know. Wut Wut? I do NOT even have a scale. Lets say between 280 and 303 pounds. You know the lady in the grocery or Mart store that you look at and say " Thank God I am not that fat"? I think I am her. How did I get here? I was not always a fat kid. I do have hypo thyroid, and it is bad, but this is ridiculous.

I disgust myself. I love myself. I am smart. I am somewhere between pretty and beautiful. My fat butt is making my back hurt too much. I have CELLULITE on my ucky stomach! There is fat on my back. and arms :( I am a great Mom, I am funny and fun. I have no energy.

This has to go. I am very good at accomplishing goals when I set my mind to it. Very good. So I am setting my mind to changing my weight and health. Come with me.

Last night I bought Smart Balance instead of butter. Then I bought Donuts. I had 1 for breakfast. It was cherry flavored and had glaze on it. I really should regret it but I don't. I had a salad for lunch but it had croutons. And Blue cheese dressing. Much too much, blue cheese dressing. I am hungry right now. Crap!

Welcome to my world. I need to lose serious weight. Maybe 100 pounds. I WANT the surgery but I think it is too risky for me. I have 5 amazing children to care for. So Goals:

buy a scale already ( need to set aside money for this)
Lose weight
Possibly use Alli later when the baby is weaned.
Definitely save money to try and join Weight Watchers online
Try to save money to join the YMCA

figure out how to start losing weight on my own for now.
Frappacinos are my enemy. what to do?
Exercise.... I get so tired, what can I do?