Not Happy

So I gained weight. I know, right! That's is so not awesome. Remember in Pilgrims Progress how Christian was on a good journey trying to accomplish a good thing, but bad things kept happening ? I feel ya Christian.

BUT instead of throwing myself at the mercy of messrs. Ben & Jerry, I will soldier on! Today I went shopping, and I did good. I think. I am trying anyhow. I bought chicken breast patties for sandwiches, sandwich thins bread ( 100 calories), Tomato, lettuce, Low fat cheese, and Special K crackers ( eww, sooo gross, Whaaaaaahhh, I thought I was going to choke to death and die!) and salsa. For the kids I bought A Gordita kit, and I am going to have Blueberry morning cereal with skim milk instead when they have it. I love Blueberry morning, that stuff rocks.

Oh and when my husband stopped at Starbucks to surprise me this morning, I ordered a frappuccino light-hold the whip. So, making some progress here. Maybe losing weight is like quitting smoking, it super sucks while you are fighting the good fight, but it is a year later, you can't remember why you ever did something so dumb? When I quit smoking I had all these horrible little "flare ups" where I really suffered, I mean I felt horribly ill, irritable, craving like crazy, it was like fighting a demon.
I know we are only talking about a little diet and exercise here, but this is not easy, I feel like I am fighting a demon.

So today I have eaten
blueberry morning cereal with skim milk
4 slices of low fat cheese, with about 10 special k crackers
2 16 oz glasses of water
1 Frappuccino light, no whip cream.

For dinner I am planning the chicken sandwiches, and I have some watermelon for my night time snack. Danny nurses a ton, so I get pretty hungry around midnight, that's where the watermelon comes in.

I can do this. Right?

Right-O

So... now I know how much I weigh. Thanks to a wonderful and sweet friend, I have an amazing new scale. *drumroll* I weigh 291 pounds. For now. I am an intelligent person who is great at meeting goals, and I CAN, and I WILL do this.

I am so blessed that my husband loves me know matter my size, and my children do too. But I am so unhappy, heavy bulky and awkward.

A friend just sent an amazing PM explaining about carbs, and weight loss, so bye-bye bagels. I can so do better than this.

Now let's talk about excercise. I am thinking about getting some dumbells, a dvd, and one of those bouncy ball dealies. What do you think?